Thursday 4th March.... Not too bad a day today, was very tired yesterday after my trip to the hospital. They took 9 bottles of my blood and couldnt get anymore after that. Left a big bruise on my arm. Spoke to my consultant mentioned how tired I get lately and asked how things were progressing and if there was any plans in place yet so she told me there would be a definate end to this one way or another at the end of March so Ill just have to hang in there for now. Sometimes I actually forget this is all happening to me but its not long til I remember again there is always something to remind me from the girl in the garage with her baby bump to the deli that used to badly turn my stomach!!!!! I had a bit of a cry yesterday over the fact the smell in the deli no longer makes me want to throw up it is just another of the daily signs I get that I no longer have a baby to look forward to. Trying to focus on all the other things that I do have but its difficult!!! I signed up online to do hairdressing that I always wanted to do when I was younger I just want to focus my energy on something positive, anything to help me through the next few weeks!!! Life goes on, I see bumps everywhere, hear it everyday how others are blloming and getting on so well and while Im truly delighted for them it can be hard not to have a lot of other emotions running through me like jelousy, hate, anger, sadness, grief, confusion, heartache and emptiness. Iv never in my life felt such a mix of emotions and it gets very hard trying to deal with it while Im still carrying Little Boo. There are lots of times during the day that my body plays nasty, evil tricks on me and I swear I feel Little Boo moving its so distressing when that happens but its just another part I have to deal with until its over...